Technical Support: Here are some conversations that actually happened between help desk people and their customers.
Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print a document, but the computer won't boot properly."
Tech Support: "What does it say?"
Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."
Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"
Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."
Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24 hours."
Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"
Tech Support: "Ok, now click your left mouse button."
Customer: (silence) "But I only have one mouse."
Customer: "Excuse me can I use this disk? It has a hole in it.
Tech Support: "Do you have 3 1/2 inch diskettes?"
Customer: "No, I only have 3 of them."
Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."
Customer: "Now what do I do?"
Tech Support: "What is the prompt on the screen?"
Customer: "It's asking for 'Enter Your Last Name.'"
Tech Support: "Ok, so type in your last name."
Customer: "How do you spell that?"
Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message."
Tech Support: "Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"

A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying
a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the 
president of the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a
lot of money!"

After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her
into the president's office (the customer is always right!). The
bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit.
She replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto
his desk.

The president was of course curious as to how she came by all
this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying
so much cash around. Where did you get this money?"

The old lady replied, "I make bets."

The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?"

The old  woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000
that your balls are square."

"Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet. You can never
win that kind of bet!"

The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet?"

"Sure," said the president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are
not square!"

The little old lady then said, "Okay, but since there is a lot of
money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10am as
a witness?"

"Sure!" replied the confident president.

That night, the president got very nervous about the bet and
spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls,
turning from side to side, again and again. He thoroughly checked
them out until he was sure that there was absolutely no way his
balls were square and that he would win the bet.

The next morning, at precisely 10am, the little old lady appeared
with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduced the
lawyer to the president and repeated the bet "$25,000 says the
president's balls are square!" The president agreed with the bet
again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could
all see. The president complied.

The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if
she could feel them. "Well, Okay," said the president, "$25,000
is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure."

Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his
head against the wall. The president asked the old lady, "What
the hell's the matter with your lawyer?"

She replied, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that at 10am
today I'd have The Bank of Canada's president's balls in my hand."